Update on Dad 7-3-11

Hello, Everyone,

I have quite a lot to tell you about Dad tonight: my sister Martha, her husband Dave, my brother Alan and his wife Janice, and my daughter, Christine, all told me about visits to Dad, and I got to visit him today!

Just as an aside, Dad now has his hair cut short--just stubble. We all find it disconcerting though we know it's easier to take care of. Both Janice and I agree--it looks like a prison haircut.

Martha told me recently that Dad has been diagnosed with Type II diabetes. He is on a pill--I'm not sure if it's the kind that stimulates the pancreas to work harder or one that helps the cells absorb glucose from the bloodstream, but it helps to keep his blood sugar levels down. The staff at the care facility also monitors his blood sugar levels four times a day.

Martha also told me that when they visited this week, Dad was cheerful, alert, and as talkative as they've seen him recently--meaning, she explained, that he said a couple of actual sentences.

Dave told me that they took Dad some good chocolate recently, and when they were leaving, he took both of their hands and said, "You are the best relatives!" Dave said, "Why? Because we bring you chocolate?" Dad said, "Yes!"

Alan and Janice also visited Dad recently. (They're in Utah visiting family before they leave for their mission to Brazil in August.) Alan said Dad seemed aware "in chunks," which I took to mean that at times he seemed aware and at other times less aware. Janice noted that Dad was feeling very cold but didn't seem to know what to do about it. He had a couple of blankets on him, but apparently not enough. (Janice noticed that the air conditioning vent in his room blows right on his bed.) They're planning on getting him something that will help him stay warmer.

My daughter Christine and her family visited Dad when they were in Utah in June. Christine thought Dad knew who she was, and he was very taken with my granddaughter, Evelyn, wiggling his finger at her and enjoying her smiling and babbling.

My grandson Jeffrey sang Dad the ABC song, and Christine tried to get Jeffrey to show off his knowledge of what state people were born in. (Dad and Jeffrey's father, Michael, were born in the same state.) Christine wasn't sure Dad understood that discussion, and Jeffrey talked very quietly, but she felt they had a good visit.

I visited Dad today with John's daughter Lisa and her husband, Court. When we walked into the room, I thought there was no one in Dad's bed, just crumpled blankets, but Dad was there, looking shrunken and frail to me. He woke up and greeted me warmly and seemed to know who I was.

He seemed to remember visits from Christine and her family and others, but he may just have been faking it well--it's hard to know. He chuckled at my story about Jeffrey's exaggerated sentence intonation--something I've told him about before.

I showed him pictures of the kids. He made admiring noises about Evelyn, and he chuckled at a picture of Jeffrey nursing his stuffed cow.

I tried to tell him a story that was probably too long about Jeffrey being dissatisfied with my explanation of why we don't see well in the dark but grinning at his dad's scientific explanation about wavelengths of a certain magnitude.

I kissed him goodbye, and he kissed me back. I told him I loved him, and he said, "I love you too--I hope you know that!" I told him I did, and we left.

I hope to see Dad again before I leave, and I'll report on that visit next time I blog.

Thanks for reading and caring!

Alison

Update on Dad 6-20-11

Sorry to be late again this week--with Father's Day and my son-in-law's birthday to celebrate yesterday, I wasn't able to write anything.

My report today comes from the weekend nurse who I spoke to briefly last night, from my sister Martha, and from my short conversation with Dad.

The weekend nurse said Dad has been pushing himself around in his wheelchair a lot yesterday. She was pleased because she thought that would tire him out and help him sleep better. Dad was asleep, and the nurse seemed reluctant to wake him, so I tried to accept that I wouldn't get to talk to Dad on Father's Day.

However, when I spoke to Martha, she said Dad's always asleep and she hadn't gotten to visit him any of the times she'd tried during the week, so she'd go to the nursing home and see if they could wake him easily. We agreed that if she could wake him, she'd phone me, so I could talk to Dad.

Martha called me from the nursing home, saying Dad had woken right up.

I was able to tell Dad Happy Father's Day. I told him again that my daughter, Christine, and her family would be coming to see him. He said something like, "Oh, it'll be nice to see them," a bit more than just one of his stock responses.

I hadn't really thought of what to tell him about the grandkids, so I just told him again that Evelyn's very cute and grins and coos. I told him that Jeffrey's intonation is very exaggerated, saying "WHY is EVelyn cryiiiiing?" I didn't get a response until I said something about it being very cute. Dad said, "Oh yes!"

I told him I loved him, and he said he loved me, and I told him I'd be visiting soon. He said he'd look forward to seeing me, and we said goodbye.

I'm sorry I won't be there when he meets Evelyn and sees Jeffrey again, but I hope he's able to be aware enough to enjoy them!

After Dad and I said goodbye, Martha and I spoke for a little longer. She said Dad was having pain around his catheter and that they'd arranged for him to get some pain medication and that she'd have them check the catheter to make sure there wasn't a problem.

Martha said Dad was cheerful and didn't appear to be confused at all about who I was--that's nice to hear!

My next time to blog about Dad is scheduled for July 3. I'll be in Utah then, so I'll try to make sure I let you know what's up either on the 3rd or the 4th.

That's all for this week. Thanks for reading!

Update on Dad 6-6-11

Hi, loyal readers!

I'm sorry I wasn't able to blog about Dad last night. My sisters, one of my sisters-in-law, a friend, and I are having a sisters' reunion, and I wasn't free to blog last night or even phone Dad, so my report on him is short today.

My two sisters who live in Utah, Lucy and Martha, both say they see Dad as slowly declining. He sleeps more and wants to talk less. His interest in things of this world is declining. Martha took Dad pictures of her new grandson and my new granddaughter and said Dad hardly looked at them and had no response. I've been told that it's hard to visit him because he's so unresponsive.

Dad's lack of response fits so clearly into the pattern described in the booklet on stages of dying that we received when Dad was first put on hospice. It describes a withdrawal from this life as the person prepares for death. My rational mind and my faith both see this stage as a necessary part of Dad's journey into the next life and to his reunion with my mom, with his parents and siblings, and with so many of his friends--and I'm crying as I write this. It's hard to let him go even though I know we need to.

My cousin Laurie Craig (Skip to the family) visited Dad last night and tried to call me, so we could talk. He left a very cheerful message about Dad, saying that Dad looked good and that Dad said he was feeling well.

I phoned this morning to speak to someone at the care facility, knowing it was too early in Utah for Dad to be awake. The nurse had been away for several days, but she checked with the nurse's aide who'd been on duty yesterday. The aide said Dad got up for both meals and ate lunch by himself. The nurse then checked through his chart and said he's "doing great"--a relative term, I suppose!

The nurse then asked if I'd visited Dad at the nursing home where he used to be, and when I explained who I was, said she remembered me. When I told her I'd be visiting in July, she said she'd look forward to seeing me. Her willingness to find out information for me and to connect with me as a member of Dad's family reminds me that they do love and care about Dad there and about us too.

My sister Christie at church yesterday bore a lovely testimony about her gratitude for our family. She talked about how grateful she was to have been taught from an early age to question from a position of faith and that she didn't think she would still be in the Church if she hadn't had that training. Christie clearly also attributes all the siblings being active in Church to the way we were raised. She mentioned that Mom and Dad taught us to accept and honor people's differences and described how she found that same acceptance in her current ward. Her testimony was a great tribute to Mom and Dad.

Thanks for reading, everyone!

Update on Dad 5-22-11

Hi, All,

Today I have a report on the same conversation from my brother-in-law Bob Nickelson and from my brother Alan, and a report on my brief conversation with Dad tonight.

Bob phoned me last Sunday night after his weekly visit with Dad. He reported that Dad was very hard to wake up. Bob kept rubbing his arm until Dad finally was awake enough to visit. Bob reminded Dad that my brother Alan and his wife Janice are getting ready to leave on a mission to Brazil. Bob commmented that Alan would really appreciate a chance to talk with Dad.

Both Alan and Bob reported much of the conversation, with Dad sounding quite lively and participating in the conversation. Alan said that Dad kept saying to him, "Your voice sounds so good!" Bob reported that Dad laughed a couple of times as Alan talked to him.

At one point as Alan was describing what he was working on, Dad said, "I wish I could be there to help you," indicating that Dad was aware at least in that moment of what was going on.

Dad replied to Alan's message of love by saying, "We love everyone too." Bob wondered if he was sending love from himself and Mom--as he's done countless times throughout his life.

I told Bob that I thought he'd kind of warmed Dad up for the conversation with Alan, and I think his visitors tonight warmed him up for his conversation with me.

When I phoned and heard voices in the background, Dad agreed he had visitors, but I didn't ask who they were, assuming that Dad wasn't sure. He tried to tell me about some kind of family event coming up, but he couldn't complete his thought, so I wasn't sure what it was about. Dad sounded enthusiastic about whatever it was.

He told me he was doing, "very well, very well." I mentioned that I'd sent some baby pictures to my sister Martha, but he didn't think he'd seen them yet. I told him that Evelyn is smiling and cooing now, and he gave one of his stock responses.

I told him that when we come home from a ride in the car, I say to Jeffrey, "To market, to market to buy a fat pig; home again, home again . . " when I pause, Jeffrey will often supply the last line, "jiggity jig." I then say the second verse, "To market, to market to buy a fat hog; home again, home again," and Jeffrey adds, "jiggity jog." Dad chuckled. I told Dad it made me think of him--he'd often say when we arrived home, "Home again, home again, jiggity jig." Dad said he was pleased that I was thinking of him.

I told him Jeffrey's a little confused by "jiggity jig" and "jiggity jog"--"but why do they say those funny words?" Dad chuckled when I did--aware when I got to the punchline!

I told Dad that Christine and Michael would be coming to visit him in June and bringing the kids and that I'd come to visit in July. He responded that he was especially excited by those coming to see me. I'm not sure if he was confused about what I was saying about the visit or if this is his continued confusion about where I am.

When I said, "We'll be coming to see you," He said, "Wonderful! Wonderful!"

I sent love from me and the rest of the family here, and he said goodbye and sent love to us.

It was a good conversation, with Dad participating more that he often does. It's so nice to have those moments!

Thanks for reading, everyone, and thanks for caring about Dad.

Alison

Update on Dad 5-8-11

Hello, Everybody,

Tonight I have a report from my own short conversation with Dad and from my sisters Lucy and Martha.

I told Dad that the new baby, Evelyn, was smiling a lot, and he gave one of his stock responses, "Oh my."

I told him a story about my grandson, Jeffrey, that was longer than I realized it would be, but he did seem to enjoy it. I told him I'd forgotten how unanswerable toddler's questions are. (I had to tell him that there had been a royal wedding in London, and that I'd shown Jeffrey a picture of a footman.) Jeffrey asked, "Why ARE they footmans?" Dad chuckled.

I told Dad that I would be coming to see him in July, and he said he'd look forward to that. (I tell him every time we talk because he doesn't remember.)

Dad had to ask me to repeat myself several times--he was having a hard time hearing me.

For the first time, when I told Dad I loved him and sent love from the rest of the family here, he didn't send love back, just said he it was good to talk to me, and we said our goodbyes.

When I told Lucy that Dad seemed less responsive tonight, she said he's seemed tired and not very responsive to her or to her husband, Bob. But she said Bob can often interest Dad in pictures on his smart phone. Lucy said, however, that after a visit where Dad seemed tired and not up for much conversation, as Bob was leaving, Dad said, "Hope you have a good week at school"--indicating that Dad knew he was talking to Bob, a school teacher.

Lucy recently took Dad drawings sent from her daughter Britta's girls. She said Dad appreciates them even if he's not sure who the pictures are from.

Lucy also mentioned again how much the staff appreciate Dad because he's so good-natured and easy to deal with.

Martha told me that recently when she and her husband and daughter Emily visited Dad in the morning, when John and his family visited later in the day, Dad told him that Martha and family had visited earlier in the day--a surprise to us all that he remembered for that long!

Of course it's hard to know if Dad's fading more in general or just having a slow time for now. I think that I'll know better when I'm there to visit, but I may be able to tell and may not.

Thanks for reading!

Alison

Update on Dad 4-25-11

Hi, All,

Sorry to be slow getting my blog done. Yesterday was an extra busy day: my granddaughter was blessed at church; we had my son-in-law's family visiting from out of town, and it was Easter!

My update is from a brief report from my sister Christie and a short conversation I had with Dad.

Christie spoke to Dad last week for about 10 minutes--quite a long conversation in my view. She reported that he was responsive and seemed to understand what she was saying.

I spoke to Dad this morning on the phone. The staff member I spoke to first said Dad hadn't gotten up for breakfast and was feeling some pain--no specifics--and that they were getting him a pain pill.

When we spoke, his voice sounded a bit slurred as it sometimes does when he first starts to talk, but he said he was "doing well, very well"--a bit more than he usually says.

I told him that my son-in-law, Michael, gave the baby a very nice blessing despite having such a busy day--he also played for choir practice before church and then had three choir numbers to play for after the blessing during church. (I got a stock answer from Dad, "Oh my.")

Then I told him that when Michael's mother saw the baby, she said, "Oh, she's beautiful! She's much prettier than in her pictures!" Jeffrey, my two-and-a-half-year-old grandson, went over to his grandma and said, "I are pretty too!" (She agreed he was, and he happily went back to playing.) Dad chuckled at the story.

Then Dad tried to tell me that he was "having trouble with . . . ," but he couldn't tell me what the problem was, at first not able to say the word, then saying something that was garbled, then not able to say the word. I never understood. I finally told him that the staff had mentioned they were giving him a pain pill, and maybe that was taking effect and making it hard for him to talk. He said, "Well, I hope so!" (I'm not sure if he meant he hoped the pain pill would help his problem or he hoped the pain pill was what was making it hard for him to express himself.)

As usual, Dad told me how good my voice sounded, I told him when I'd be visiting, and he sounded enthusiastic about the visit. We sent our love to each other, and that was the end of the visit.

I am looking forward to being able to see him in person!

Thanks for reading, and I hope you're getting some nice spring weather. We're finally getting some nicer weather here after a cold, rainy spring.

Update on Dad 4-10-11

Hello, Everyone,

I didn't realize until today that I'd missed a week on my blog--I'm so sorry! My cell phone keeps me on track these days, and for some reason it's lost my reminders to blog about Dad. I've put in a new reminder, so I should be back to blogging every other week again.

My report tonight comes from my brother-in-law Bob (Lucy's husband) who visits Dad weekly, a bit from my cousin who was visiting Dad tonight when I phoned, and my own short conversation with Dad.

Here's Bob's report from his visit to Dad on Mar 27:

"I visited Papa tonight - he was sound asleep; it took more than usual to wake him - he enjoyed looking at the photos of the new great grand child - he looked at them all for a long time and said that Alison will be happy to see these - I explained to him that you were living in PA with them - his response was, oh she is? - it was pretty sharp of him to figure out the connection with you and Evelyn and Christine and Jeffrey. Papa was pretty tired so my visit was short. He looked and sounded good."

My cousin Laurie (Skip) Craig was visiting Dad tonight when I phoned. He told me that Dad looked good and had gained weight since he'd seen him last. Skip told Dad he'd been on a diet of turnip greens because his wife's out of town visiting one of their children. Dad said he didn't like turnip greens, and Skip teased Dad that he wasn't a true Southerner if he didn't like them! I told Skip that Dad does like okra and enjoys the fried okra at Cracker Barrel--Skip said he enjoys it too. I'm glad that there's somewhere that Dad can get that taste of the South right in Springville.

Dad participated more in our conversation than usual. He began by telling me how good my voice sounded on the phone--as he tells me every time we talk. I reminded him that he has a new great grandbaby, and he said, "What's his name?" I told him the baby's a girl and that her name is a combination of my middle name and my son-in-law's mother's middle name, reminding Dad that I had been named for my two grandmothers also. He gave one of his stock responses, so I couldn't tell if he followed that explanation or not.

Dad started to end the conversation with me, saying, "Well, it's good to talk to you even for a minute or two," but I wanted to tell him about my grandson. I told him he's very interested in prepositions right now and says, "Am I in front of you, Oma? Are you behind me? Am I beside Baby Evelyn?" (She's never just Evelyn--she's always "Baby Evelyn.")Dad chuckled.

Then Dad said, "Are you going to be around here?" I told him I was coming in June, and he said, "Well I'll probably still be around here then." I told him that I hoped he would be, but that if he needed to go sooner, I'd understand.

I promised to send more pictures of the baby, we sent our love to each other, and said our goodbyes. It was great to have Dad interacting me. I think he was stimulated by his conversation with Skip. It made our talk much more enjoyable for me--a real conversation.

As always, thanks for reading!