Update on Dad 8-31-11

Sorry to be late this week. It's the beginning of a busy semester for the family!

I have two short reports on Dad. One from my brother Alan who went to see Dad before he and his wife went into the Missionary Training Center (MTC) on Aug. 22. The other report is from our friend Sally Perry who visited Utah in July and has written a report about seeing Dad then. (I wasn't able to speak to Dad this week.)

Here's Alan's report:

Janice and I went to see Dad on Thursday. He was asleep when we got there, but woke up immediately and started with one of his typical stock phrases - It's good to see you, but then asked "Why are you here?" It seemed to us that he not only recognized us, but clearly understood that we weren't normal visitors. I felt that he understood my answer and some of the implications when I said we were there to go to the MTC the following Monday. While he couldn't really participate in the conversation, Janice noticed that he was carefully listening and if he missed a word you said he wanted it repeated. If you asked him a question, he was unlikely to come up with any response, but he seemed to be getting enough of what was being said to understand when things were funny and when things were causing concern.

(Alan planned on visiting Dad again and writing more, but he didn't have time to write to me about it if he visited again.)

Sally writes:

Your blog reminded me of the hardest part of my trip. It occurred to me back here, and very much too late, that perhaps I should have taken a copy of something like Wind in the Willows and read some of it to Marshall in my best South London accent rather than try to talk about things he didn't remember. I hope my visit wasn't too confusing to him; for me, I was grateful to be able to see him again, and like someone said, very much saw the essence of the person who has such a special place for me and my family. My parents were especially keen to know that I had visited and taken their love. It felt as though they were telling me something very important about the esteem and affection they hold for your Dad.

(I feel so moved by how much Dad is loved--by Sally and her family, by Alan and Janice, and by all the rest of us!)

That's all for this week.

Thanks for reading!

Update on Dad 8-14-11

Hi, Everybody,

I have just two short phone conversations to report on. The first was on Dad's 95th birthday; the second was tonight.

I was in Pittsburgh on the day of Dad's birthday with my sister Christie and my brother Alan. We went to a production of Twelfth Night by Shakespeare. We tried to call and talk to Dad before the play started, but he was at dinner, and the cordless phone doesn't work in the dining room. We called back during intermission, all of us gathered around Christie's cell phone.

We told Dad he was 95, and told him we what play we were seeing. It wasn't clear to me that he understood what we were telling him, but as I think about it today, it seems very fitting that we called in the middle of a Shakespeare play.

For those who don't know, our family started going to the Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City, Utah when I was in junior high school. We'd camp by a lake in the mountains and in the evening we'd change into nicer clothes and go down the mountain to see a play. On the way down, Dad would tell us a detailed synopsis of the play, complete with the names of all the characters. Then on the way back home up the mountain, we'd discuss the production, ask Dad questions about the play, and talk and talk. I found that then I could read the play and remember what was going on on stage, so I could understand what I read. My siblings and I all remember and cherish that wonderful yearly tradition!

So for this Shakespeare play, as we drove there, I suggested that one of us give Alex, Alan and Janice's grandson, a synopsis of the play--his first Shakespearean play. (Christie's husband, Duane, also welcomed a refresher.) Christie gave a masterful synopsis, one Dad would have been proud of, and afterwards, we discussed the play. It was a great way for us to celebrate Dad's birthday!

Tonight when I phoned, Dad said he was "highly confused," something I haven't heard him say before. I told him that my grandson Jeffrey had a birthday party yesterday and ran around chasing bubbles and saying, "I love bubbles!" No response from Dad. I expanded on the story a bit more, telling him two kids had run right into each other as they chased the bubbles. No response.

I told him that my granddaughter, Evelyn, has apparently started rolling around, but we never see her doing it--we'll find her in a different position, but we won't have seen how she got there. I chuckled at that point, and Dad chuckled too, taking his cue from me, I think. I said we were hoping to actually see her rolling sometime soon. He said, "Oh, good!" then said, "Well, I'll look forward to that."

So he was confused tonight.

I asked him if anyone had visited him today, and he said there was someone there right then. I asked if it was my cousin, thinking maybe I was hearing his voice in the background, but he said it wasn't him. I didn't want to embarrass him by asking who was there in case he couldn't say, so I just asked him to tell them hi from me.

I told Dad I loved him, and he said, "Good, good!" Then he said, "Much love to you."

It's hard not to be able to communicate with him very well anymore, but I am glad I can still speak to him and get some response.

I thought of Dad this week in a very different context as well. Our stove top was in need of a really thorough cleaning, so I volunteered. It made me think of Dad who would start on a little spot that was not coming off and pretty soon he would have the covers off the burners; sometimes he'd take the entire top of the stove off and take it downstairs to our laundry tubs for a good scrubbing.

I felt happy to be doing a job Dad might have done if he'd been able to be at our house.

That's all for tonight. Thanks for reading!

Update on Dad 8-3-11

Hi, Everyone,

Sorry to be slow again--this time it was a summer cold that delayed me.

I've asked our friend Sally Perry from England who visited recently for something to put up on the blog, but I didn't think to ask her until today, so her report will be something for my next update. My sister Martha reported on a recent visit with him, I spoke to Dad very briefly on the phone on Sunday, and my brother Alan who was in Utah in late June/early July also reported briefly on my dad.

Here's Martha's report:

"I wanted to tell you that recently when Dave and I visited Dad, he was still in the dining room for dinner, but had eaten almost everything--with help, I'm sure. We had someone help him back into bed, and he introduced us to the aid as his oldest daughter and her husband. I have been sure that he knew who we were, but I haven't heard him tell anyone for a very long time. When we went a couple of days ago, it was after 8:30. He had been asleep and his roommate clearly was, so we just visited very quietly and briefly. We'll plan to see him again tomorrow."

When I spoke to Dad on the phone on Sunday, he took a long time coming up with an answer to my question, "How are you?" He finally said, "I'm not very active." I told him that at his age, being active wasn't expected.

I told him he will be 95 on Friday, and he promptly replied, "Well, I can't believe that!"

I mentioned to him that my brother Alan and his wife Janice will be leaving on their mission soon, but Dad interrupted me to say he needed to go to the bathroom. (He has a catheter, but doesn't remember that.)

So it was a very short conversation, but he certainly responded to the news about his age. He certain never believed he'd live this long!

Alan wrote:

"I had two visits with my Dad. The first one he was quite alert and the second one was short because he was falling asleep as I talked. I really don’t think he retains much from any conversation, but it is easier to tell him stories when he is at least making some response. The latest on him is that his blood sugar levels are too high, but nothing is happening yet that anyone could notice. From one trip to the next I don’t see a lot of difference in him, though he clearly has good and bad days. When he is being responsive, it is likely to be only a few words at a time, and perhaps the response is just a nod or a click of the tongue. I’m fairly certain he has no idea of what I am really doing."

I think you can see in the reports here the range of Dad's awareness--sometimes even within one conversation.

Thank you for caring about Dad.