Dad's obituary and picture 2-21-2012

Marshall Ray Craig, of Springville, Utah, aged 95, died of causes incident to age early on the morning of February 15, 2012. Marshall leaves behind a family who adored him and dear friends in many places around the world. Marshall was born in the long-since-disappeared oil boom-town of Goss, in northern Louisiana on August 5, 1916, to Wilford Garland Craig and Cora Alice Moreland. While he was still a young child, Marshall's family moved to El Dorado, Arkansas.

Marshall attended Brigham Young University from 1936 to 1941. He first studied chemistry, but soon switched his major to English. Teaching literature and writing became his life's work. Following graduation from BYU in 1941, Marshall entered the Navy Reserve and while in training in New York City, met his future wife and soul mate, Ruth Haglund. Marshall and Ruth were married in 1944 in the Salt Lake Temple while Marshall was on a brief leave. Marshall served as executive officer on two mine sweepers; as captain of two others.

Following the war, Marshall and Ruth lived near and in New York City while Marshall pursued graduate degrees at Columbia University. During this time, Ruth gave birth to four children: Martha, Alan, Christine, and Louise. In 1953, Marshall accepted a job at Brigham Young University and moved the family to Provo, Utah where Alison and John were born. In 1959, the family moved to Canyon Drive, in Springville, Utah. Marshall taught in the BYU English Department, serving in various leadership roles, including department chairman, until his retirement in 1981. He is fondly remembered by many students and faculty.

During 1970-71, Marshall, Ruth, and the four still-at-home children spent a year living in England, while Marshall pursued research at the British Museum Library. While there, Marshall and Ruth and the family formed lasting friendships with neighbors and fellow church members. 

 

Marshall was a dedicated member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and served in many callings, including missionary, councilor in branch presidencies, high councilor, councilor in a stake presidency, and bishop. His favorite calling was teaching the elders quorum in the Kolob 6th Ward. After his retirement, Marshall and Ruth, feeling that they might be able to represent the Church in a place where missionaries were not allowed, spent three years teaching at universities in Xian and Nanjing, China. They made many fast friends there also.

Marshall is survived by one brother, Wilford Keller “Kay” Craig, of Dickinson, Texas; children: Martha (David) Sargent of Springville, Utah; Alan (Janice) Craig of Falls Church, Virginia (serving a mission in Brazil); Christine (Duane) Seppi of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; Louise (Robert) Nickelson of Payson, Utah; Alison Craig of State College, Pennsylvania; and John (Elaine) Craig of Orem, Utah. Marshall has 21 grandchildren and 23 surviving great-grandchildren. He was preceded in death by his parents, six siblings, two great-grandchildren, and his beloved Ruth.

Friends may call at Wheeler Mortuary, 211 E 200 S in Springville from 6–8 pm on Friday, February 24, 2012; or from 9:30 – 10:30 am Saturday, February 25, before the funeral at the Hobble Creek Seventh Ward Chapel, 1965 E Canyon Road, in Springville; funeral service begins at 11 am. In lieu of flowers, the family suggests donations be made to the Springville Public Library, 45 South Main, Springville, Utah 84663. Interment: Springville Evergreen Cemetery.

Dad passed away in the night 2-15-12

Dear family and friends,

Dad passed away in the night last night. His official time of death is 12:10 a.m. Feb. 15, but that's really the time the staff at the care facility found he'd died. I like to think he really died on Valentine's Day, the day Mom was buried. (But Dad might think I'm being sentimental, and he didn't like sentimentality!)

Although no family was there (from this side) when he died, I believe Mom was with him - not sentimentality but conviction - and family members were with him earlier in the day yesterday. Martha was with him till about three in the afternoon, and he seemed to be much the same as he'd been before, not in physical distress. Martha thinks the staff probably checked on Dad at least once after she left.

By the time Lucy came at about five, Dad was struggling, choking on phlegm and gasping for breath. I'm not sure of the exact sequence of events, but I think Lucy called Barbara (his hospice nurse), who called the care facility and told them he needed to have morphine every hour. My impression is that the medication helped ease his breathing.

Lucy had to leave at 8:30 yesterday evening, and we trust that the staff continued to administer the morphine hourly and the ativan at two-to-four hour intervals to help him breathe more easily through the rest of the night until he passed away.

We've scheduled the funeral for 11 a.m. on Saturday, Feb. 25 to allow time for family to gather. There will be a viewing Friday, Feb. 24 at Wheeler Mortuary in Springville from 6 to 8 p.m. and a viewing Saturday morning from 9:30 to 10:30 a.m. at the chapel at 1965 E. Canyon Road in Springville. The funeral will follow at 11 a.m. PLEASE NOTE: the viewing and funeral will NOT be in the chapel right by Dad's house. Continue up Canyon Road as if you're going to the golf course. The next chapel on your left is the correct one.

I was relieved when I received the call in the night that Dad had died - being far away and unable to help and only receiving snippets of information has been very hard. Today rather than a lump in my throat, I have a balloon in my chest. I'm sure as the grief comes up, it will ebb and flow.

I'll keep the blog up until some later time. I want to invite people to tell their favorite stories about Dad.

Thanks for your love and concern.

Update on Dad 2-12-12

Dear family and friends,

Dad is failing, and my brother John told me tonight that he thought it was "a matter of a very short time" until Dad passes away.

On Friday (the eleventh anniversary of Mom's death), I received a phone call from my friend Barbara (Dad's hospice nurse) at about 2:30 Eastern Time that Dad's renal output was at 100 milliliters in 8 hours--very low--and that he was so lethargic that morning that his aide thought he might be dying. Barbara had called Martha who wasn't going to be available till evening, so I called Lucy and John.

My sister-in-law, Elaine arrived there first, and Dad seemed pretty normal to her, but later, both Bob and Lucy saw changes in him. He had continuous tremors, he was feverish and hot to the touch. His renal output was down (between 100 and 200 milliliters in 8 hours), he refused food. He had 2 sips of thickened water and that was it.

Barbara worked very hard to get morphine and ativan for Dad as quickly as possible. Barbara explained to me that the ativan makes the morphine work better. Barbara told me today the morphine also helps with his breathing. She told me that his breathing was at 40 breaths per minute, very high--14 to 16 is normal and 30 is considered high.

Dad's symptoms are those of renal failure--everything I read on the internet about it said it's considered a gentle death.

Elaine apparently talked to Dad on Friday about not fighting against dying--said that there were many here who love him but many on the other side who do too. (John told me Elaine's said this often to Dad--not just on Friday.)

Since Friday, there's been a family member with Dad at least most of the time. Tonight the siblings in Utah gathered for John to give Dad a blessing. He blessed him with peace and comfort and sealed him up to go be with his wife and siblings on the other side.

When John and I talked tonight after the blessing, John reported that Dad has a fever, that his mouth was open and slack, that he has a deep cough, and that he was pretty unresponsive but startled when my brother-in-law Dave put his mouth close to Dad's ear to speak to him.

I asked John to put the phone by Dad's ear, so I could tell him goodbye. I told him that I loved him and would miss him and that I knew it was time for him to go be with Mom, and I said goodbye to him.

John reported that Dad opened his eyes a little wider when I was talking to him--a response of some kind to my voice or even possibly to what I was saying.

The siblings told Dad that Mom was waiting for him, and Elaine reminded him that when Mom was dying he told her, "When it's my turn, I'll come running!"

Barbara expressed my feelings best when she said, "I'm sad and glad." I'm miss my wonderful dad, but I'm glad he's being released from his life here. I know he'll be much happier to be with Mom.

I'll post again as soon as I get more word from my family in Utah.

Thanks for reading, everyone!

Update on Dad 2-5-12

I'm so sorry to be a week behind schedule, everyone! I know you may be worried that something has happened to Dad, but he's still much the same as he has been.

Something has happened to me, however. I was just called as the Relief Society President in my ward (president of the women's organization in our church congregation), so I've been very busy and keep thinking things will settle down, but they haven't so far.

I wasn't able to reach Dad when I tried to phone tonight - my phone was acting up and kept cutting me off, so I have a very short report from my friend Barbara, Dad's hospice nurse, a short report from my sister Martha, and a fun story about Dad and Mitt Romney - when he was a student at BYU.

When Barbara visited Dad recently, she asked him if he was experiencing any pain. He told her no. She said, "So your only pain is me," and Dad laughed. Barbara was impressed! She said she hadn't indicated in her voice that she was joking, so she felt it was clear that Dad was aware of what she was saying.

Martha told me she's seen Dad three times quite close together recently and that all of the visits were better than they've been.

For her visit last Sunday - with her husband, I think - she said he was slower to wake up than he usually is, but he gave them a big smile and was glad to see them. He chuckled and smiled at their stories about their grandson Luke who'd been staying with them.

His throat was dry and he wanted a drink, but the water in his room wasn't thickened, and when she checked about that, she was told that they don't thicken the water in the room. Martha will ask the head nurse about that since he chokes on plain water.

After trying to get him something to drink, Dad was dozing off, and when Martha suggested they leave, Dad said yes.

It does sounds like Dad is staying at about the same level. I asked Martha about how much Dad's eating and whether he's losing weight, but she hasn't heard.

As for the Mitt Romney story, I received a call a week or two ago from a reporter at the Washington Post - not an everyday occurrence! He was trying to verify a story he'd been told by Dad's friend Elouise Bell. The story goes that Mitt was an English major at BYU when Dad was department chair. Mitt came to Dad asking advice on what he should do after graduation. Apparently Dad said, "Mitt, with all you've got going for you, you should get an MBA. You can read books any time!" (Elouise, please post any needed corrections.)

I was sorry to tell the reporter that I couldn't verify the story and that I didn't think Dad would be able to either - he doesn't even remember his wonderful Navy stories that we used to have him tell over and over again. The reporter naturally didn't want to give up on such a great story, so I suggested he call my sister Martha in Springville to see if she could check the story out with Dad. I forgot to ask Martha if he'd called her, but I told the reporter that Elouise was a reliable source and a colleague and friend of Dad's, so if she'd told him the story, I believed it. I don't know if it will ever find its way into print, but it's a fun story!

That's all for tonight. I'll plan to write another post next week and stay on schedule better.

Thanks for reading!

Update on Dad 1/15/12

Hello, Everyone,

My report tonight comes from my sister Martha and from my phone call with Dad tonight.

Martha said she was able to visit Dad three times this past week. She said their first visit was the most distressing visit she and her husband Dave have had with Dad. Dad wasn't in his room - he'd apparently been to dinner and then had been in the day room. When he was brought back to his room, he told the aide he wasn't ready to go back to bed, but he sat in his chair hunched over, with his head on his chest, and said none of the things he usually says like "It's good to see you"or "You're looking good," he just wasn't responsive.

Martha tried to give him one of the treats he has by his bed. She broke off a piece of cookie to give him. Then she tried to give him another and realized he was still chewing the first piece, so she tried to just have him hold the second piece. He couldn't grasp it for a time but finally did, but Martha could see he wasn't going to do anything with it. Martha said he also choked on the water she gave him to sip. Hopefully they can get some thickened liquids to keep by his bed.

When Martha talked to Barbara, the hospice nurse, about how Dad was that day, Barbara asked if Dad had had his oxygen on. He hadn't - which means he was without it through dinner and then for the time he was in the day room, so that may have been the cause of his being so unresponsive. (You can see why we value Barbara so highly- such insight!)

Martha and Dave also visited Dad last night. They reported that he was more responsive yesterday.

Then Martha visited Dad today in the early afternoon while Dave was busy with church assignments. She said today was the best visit in quite a long time. He chuckled some and was responsive to the story she told him. She thinks early afternoon is a better time to visit Dad and hopes to be able to fit in more visits earlier in the day.

When I spoke to Dad on the phone tonight, I felt that though he was engaged in what I was telling him, he struggled more to be able to respond. I told him about my new calling (church assignment), but I'll wait to name it here until next time I write when it will be official. He started to try to say something but then nothing really came out. I said to him, "You can wish me luck!" He said, "I do."

Since I'm not sure he remembers that I have grandchildren, I said to him, "Do you remember that I have a grandson who's three years old? "Oh, my!" I told him Jeffrey's been watching a British children's show on TV (Kipper). Today Jeffrey said to my daughter, "Let's have a go," a British expression he's picked up from the show. Dad laughed without any prompting! I mentioned that Jeffrey also talks about "conkers," also mentioned on the show (though I don't think Jeffrey really knows what they are) and Jeffrey likes to pretend to go camping like Kipper and his friend do on one episode. Dad said, "Well, good."

I told him my granddaughter Evelyn is 10 months old now and doing baby signs. She signs "more," "milk," "food," "all done," and "dog." Dad responded, "Wonderful, wonderful!"

I told Dad it was good to talk to him, and again, he seemed to want to say something but couldn't get the words out, so I said, "I hope it's good to hear from me too." "Yes, it is," he said.

Then Dad said, "Well . . . " and couldn't get more out.

I said, "I hope you have a good evening," and he said, "It's just starting." (Seems like he was getting warmed up as he does.)

When I told him I loved him, he said, "Much love to you and your family," and as I said goodbye, said, "Thank you, thank you!"

Even though I had to supply some of his words for him, it felt like we had a real conversation. As Dad might say, "Lovely, lovely!"

Update on Dad 1-1-12

Happy New Year, Everyone!

I've been to visit Dad twice since my last post and have heard from others about their visits, and it makes me very grateful that I was able to have such a good visit with him when I first arrived.

Several family members have told me that their recent visits to Dad have been very brief, with Dad hardly able to stay awake even though he's glad to see them. One member of our ward (our church congregation) told me today that he's stopped visiting because Dad doesn't recognize him anymore. Another member of the ward told me he still visits Dad monthly, going in the mornings when Dad's not as tired.

I visited Dad Friday night with my brother-in-law Bob Nickelson (who has a better phone than I do). We called my brother Alan who's on a mission in Porto Alegre, Brazil, so he could talk to Dad. Dad was happy to hear from Alan and seemed to clearly know who he was, but he closed his eyes and seemed to doze as Alan, Bob and I talked. However, when I tried to rouse him, saying, "Can you hear Alan on the phone?" Dad said, "Yes," his tone suggesting that of course he could hear him.

At the end of our conversation, Alan told Dad that he loved him, and Dad said, "The feeling is mutual!" When Alan wished Dad a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, Dad said, "A Happy New Year to you too." I think Dad was happy for us to come and then happy for us to go, so he he could sleep.

Today I went to see Dad with my sister Martha and her husband Dave. We met our niece Ruth Hamilton (Christie and Duane Seppi's daughter), her husband, Alan, and their two-year-old daughter, Eliana, coming out of Dad's room. Eliana told us about visiting Pappa-daddy and showing him her doll; she told us several times that "He's a little older."

When we went in to see Dad, Eliana decided to come in again too, so we all went in. She talked to Pappa-daddy in her high voice, and Dad reached out and held her hand often. She was surprised that Pappa-daddy was "shaking her hand." She was pleased to discover Pappa-daddy's "roll-y chair"--his wheelchair--and climbed in, chattering away about her doll in her "carrier." She had a great time even though Dad wasn't very responsive, occasionally clicking his tongue or making other noises, and saying hi every once in a while. Ruth took a number of pictures of Eliana with Pappa-daddy that I'm sure will be precious to them after Dad is gone.

Martha read Dad part of a Christmas letter from friends and showed Dad a picture that came with the letter. I told Dad a story about Jeffrey--one I'd told him before about Jeffrey not wanting to wear the apron I made for him--and showed him a picture on my phone. I'm not sure if he could really see it or not, but he interacted with me briefly then. Most of the time Dad had his eyes closed and seemed on the verge of sleep. I'm hoping that seeing Dad starting to slip away from us will make it easier for me to not grieve so much when he does go.

I'm so grateful that I had such a good talk when I first arrived, and I'm hoping to be ready to wish Dad bon voyage when he's ready to leave this life and go on to the next.

As always, thank you for your love and concern.

Update on Dad 12-23-11

Hello, Everyone,

I'm sorry to be so late this with post. I wanted to get something up before I came to Utah, but it didn't happen, so I waited until I was able to see Dad yesterday to write my update.

I need to report a new decision about Dad's care; my sister Lucy sent me a brief description of her visit with Dad; and I have a report about my visit to him.

The family decided recently to put Dad back on hospice care. He's still at the same facility, but his care will be overseen by a hospice company, so he will have an aide from hospice who will visit him regularly to bathe him, wash his hair, and so on--I'm not sure if it's daily or three times weekly. My friend Barbara will again be his nurse, and we're very pleased to have her because she is so thorough, meticulous and caring. Dad's medications will be reduced to those that give him relief from pain, and since he no longer wants to eat, he will be offered food but not otherwise urged or cajoled into eating. Dad's not yet at the point where he's not eating at all, but he's eating a lot less. He may continue to decline, but we all know he's surprised us before by rallying when we thought he was close to dying. (I've probably mentioned before that Barbara has explained that starving is actually a gentle, natural way to die that does not cause pain and that allows the dying person the choice to stop eating.)

Here's Lucy's report on her recent visit to Dad with her husband Bob:

"[Dad] was hard to wake up and as always, seemed pleased to see us, but just kept drifting off.  I held his hand, which he likes, and we didn't try and talk much, and left after about 15 minutes.  We did talk to Angie, [the head nurse] who was there, and I'm glad to know that people who care about him are taking care of him."

Here's my report of my visit to Dad:

Yesterday I visited Dad, arriving just at dinner time. I asked an aide where Dad was, since he's in a new room now, and the aide pointed out that Dad was being wheeled down the hall. Dad's head was tilted off to the side, and he looked old and frail, but he greeted me, seemed clear about who I was, and I sat down across from him in the dining area.

I told him I'd been to see the new Springville Public Library--Dad was head of the library board for a number of years. He said, "They have a new one?" "Yes." "Is it in the same place?" I told him it was across the street from the old library where the fire station had been. I told him I'd seen one of the librarians and could only think of his last name. I said, "Is his first name John?" Dad said that sounded right. (I was amazed at this level of conversation from Dad after phone conversations where his responses are usually minimal.)

I told Dad I'd been reading Great Expectations by Dickens--I got just a minimal response. Then I told him that someone in my reading group had told us that in America when another chapter of Great Expectations was due to come in by ship, people would gather on the docks to wait for the ship, some even swimming out to the boat to ask, "What happened to Pip?" Dad chuckled at that story.

I asked him if my sister Christie had seen him yet, and he said no. I told him about Christie's son-in-law's mother passing away unexpectedly, and he was a aware and responsive as I told him briefly about that.

Then I sat for a few minutes just looking at Dad. He put his hand behind his ear, suggesting he couldn't hear what I was saying. I decided to move around the table to be closer to Dad and hold his hand. He was rubbing his hands and agreed they were cold. When I held his hands, he told me how warm my hands were.

As we were sitting together, a nurse came with Dad's meds and asked who I was; Dad said, "She's my . . . , and couldn't finish his sentence. I said, "I'm your daughter, Dad." He said, "I know, but I wanted to say which . . . ." I told the nurse that I was his fourth daughter, and Dad was pleased.

While I was sitting there, Dad said, "Tell me about you and yours." Just using their first names, I mentioned that Michael (my son-in-law) had passed his comprehensive exams for his doctorate and that Christine (my daughter) had survived a stressful semester.

I felt like he wasn't sure who I was talking about, so before I talked to him about my grandchildren, I said, "Do you remember I'm a grandma?" Dad said, "I can't believe it!" I showed Dad a couple of pictures of my granddaughter who he hasn't seen, and he really looked at them. I told him the same story I'd told him on the phone about Evelyn squatting down to play peek-a-boo with herself in a mirrored box at the library. I'm sure it was easier for him to understand with me gesturing to show the dimensions of the box, smiling as I described what she did, and so on, and this time he chuckled, without my having to prompting him overtly.

For my story about my grandson, I told him that recently I was sewing a pillowcase and Jeffrey sat down beside me and asked, "What are those three circles for?" I explained that one dial adjusted how tight the thread was, one changed the kind of stitch the machine made, and one changed how long the stitch was. He wanted to see where the light was and watch the mechanism inside that moves the needle up and down. I told Dad that Jeffrey stayed with me the entire time I was sewing, handing me pins and putting pins back in the pincushion. Dad seemed engaged by the story but didn't really respond until I prompted him by saying, "He's so smart." Dad agreed.

Dad told me it was wonderful to see me, and during our conversation, he was brought his supper. Clearly the word that he's not to be pressured to eat hasn't gotten around to everyone at the facility yet. The man Rueben whose wife is in the facility has been helping Dad to eat and got him to eat one forkful of food. When Dad wouldn't eat more, an aide suggested he might eat for me. (I'm sure they were puzzled that I didn't try to get Dad to eat.) When another aide saw that Dad wasn't eating, he brought him a protein shake, and when Dad wanted to go back to his room, the aide said he'd take Dad after he drank his shake. Dad drank about two-thirds of his drink and asked again to be taken to his room--and this time got his wish.

Although I wished the staff and Rueben weren't trying to still get Dad to eat, I didn't think it was wise for me as the daughter who'd just arrived from Pennsylvania to try to get them to stop feeding him. I was pleased to see how much he's loved. Rueben hugged Dad and told me how much he loved him, and one young aide came up and gave Dad a kiss on the cheek. She told me how much she cares about him too, and we actually talked about Shakespeare a little--she and I talking and Dad mostly listening.

When Dad got back into bed, he went right to sleep, and after a little while, he had a big smile on his face as he slept. He woke up for a minute or two as my friend Barbara checked his blood oxygen level, adjusted his concentrator, and rechecked his oxygen level. I told him I loved him as I was leaving and got a wink in return.

I felt amazed and blessed to be able to have such a conversation with Dad--and I'm glad I've got a record of it here, so I can read it and remember it after I go back to Pennsylvania. I hope to see Dad more before I go back and will write about those visits also.

Merry Christmas to everyone!