Hello, Everyone,
When I logged on to begin my blog tonight, I saw how many posts there are on the site--49, so this is the 50th post on my blog about Dad! (Do we need to have a 50% off sale to mark the event?)
I have information about Dad from my brother Alan who visited in early February, a brief report from my brother-in-law Bob who visited Dad tonight, and I spoke to Dad briefly on the phone tonight also.
Here's what Alan wrote--before he left for Utah:
"I spoke to my Dad on the phone last night. My brother-in-law Bob was there visiting and called me so I could talk to him. I think much of what he says to us is a set of stock phrases, but he does respond to you and seems to enjoy having you tell him things. Several family members have commented that he is losing weight and so every time I get to see him I wonder if it will be the last time. Of course, he has surprised all of us and stayed around for much longer than we expected, so he may well continue to do it. I remember my Mother going to England when I was a senior in college knowing that her mother likely wouldn’t live though the year, but my grandmother was much more aware of things at that point in her life. If Dad lives until we go [Alan and his wife are leaving for a mission to Brazil in late August], he is unlikely to make it until we return, but he also is unlikely to remember that I’m off somewhere."
After Alan returned from his trip to Utah, he wrote about visiting Dad while he was in town:
"I got in three visits to see my Dad, the first one on Tuesday . . . , one on Thursday in conjunction with a trip to Orem to see Janice’s Dad, . . . and one yesterday when I drove down and met my sister Martha at the nursing home. He’s in a new room . . . , and while I didn’t see the prior room and can’t comment on the issues there were with it, this setup seemed quite workable. Dad certainly didn’t seem distressed at all and there was enough space for an easy visit for a couple of people. In some ways it actually seems better than where he was before [at the other care facility]. This room doesn’t have a wall to post pictures, but it has a window right behind Dad and it seems a much brighter room because of it."
My brother-in-law Bob, Lucy's husband, visits Dad on Sunday nights after he finishes working at the Springville Art Museum. He phoned me tonight after he left and said that he and Lucy are much happier with the new room he's in and glad that the care facility was able to find a better solution. Bob also mentioned that it's much brighter in the morning because of the window; it's also quieter; there's room for Dad's easy chair and ottoman and there's another chair for visitors.
I also spoke to Dad tonight. When I told him who I was, he said, "Where are you?"--as if it was strange that I wasn't there with him. I told him I was in Pennsylvania--this is something he came back to later in the conversation, so I was pleased that his memory was working that well.
I told him that when my daughter and son-in-law went out for Valentine's Day, my grandson was pretty sad, so I decided we'd do something Dad did for us when we were little--make pancakes that were in the shape of animals--bunnies, cats, etc. When I asked Dad if he remembered making them, he said, "Oh, yes!"
I said the batter wasn't thick enough, so my animals tended to run and not look like they were supposed to, but Jeffrey was imaginative about deciding what the shapes looked like, and he cheered up. I felt like Dad chuckled because he took his cue from me--I was chuckling.
I then told him that someone in our ward who's studying acting is going to be in a production of The Beaux' Strategem. (This play is by the playwright that Dad did his doctoral dissertation on.) He said, "Oh, my"--one of his stock phrases, so I wasn't sure if he was following what I was saying. I told Dad that I'd mentioned to the actor that my father wrote his dissertation on George Farquhar. I also told Dad I thought maybe I needed to warn ward members that Farquhar's plays could be a bit spicy! He chuckled at that too. I think because he was getting the joke--or at least knowing the place to laugh at the punch line!
(This reminds me of a story Dad used to tell about a friend (I think from high school) who was very bad at telling jokes because she would start laughing at the joke and not be intelligible by the time she got to the punch line. So she would hold up her finger when she got to the punch line, and everyone would laugh. Dad still knows when it's time to laugh!)
During our conversation, Dad told me my voice sounded good--another of his gracious stock phrases.
Then Dad said to me, "You do what you have to do, and . . ." He wasn't able to complete his thought, but then he said, "Now where is it you're going?" I told him I was in central Pennsylvania where Christine and Michael are going to school, and I mentioned again that Christine's baby is due soon and said, "So I really am needed here."
He said something like, "Well, okay then." I cried because I felt like we finally were able to have a conversation about my leaving, and that he gave me his blessing. He hasn't been aware enough to understand that we had to put him in a care facility because it became too much for us to care for him at home, and he hasn't been aware that I moved away. I don't know that he'll remember our conversation, but I will, and I feel such love for him and gratitude that he's willing to sacrifice his own comfort for me to do what's best for me--that's my Dad!
Dad and I ended our conversation as always by expressing our love to each other.
I think I said in my last post that my next one may not be right on time--Christine's baby is due on March 5, and if the baby comes close to her due date, I may not be able to post next time, but I'll try to get something up as soon as I can.
Thanks for reading and for caring about Dad.
Alison
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Update on Dad 2-6-11
Greetings, Everybody,
I wasn't able to talk to Dad tonight, but I have a number of reports about him from others that have visited Dad recently--as well as a tribute to Dad by his cousin Bill Craig that he's given me permission to post.
First I'll give you a report from my sister Martha on what they've done at the care facility to improve his situation there:
"[The Art City care facility] moved [Dad] [the day after they spoke about problems with his room] to a different room, where he has much more space, an attached bathroom, and not an around-the-clock TV. The TV in the other room didn't seem to bother him, but it was very hard for his visitors to have a conversation, and the patient watching his huge TV felt invaded when there were several of us there. The man across the room from him now has a small TV, but it is not on all the time, is close to him, and the sound is not loud. There is plenty of space now for several visitors. They tell me that the room is monitored frequently because the others in his room are also fall risks.
"[Martha's daughter]Emily and I were there last Friday at dinner, and the food was so slow coming that he had more interest in going back to bed than in eating. The administrator and the head nurse were both there during the time patients were waiting, and saying they had to find a better solution in their training meeting the next day. It has also seemed bad to me that Dad has been at a table with others who need help eating, but some of them are very vocal about not wanting to eat and have to be coaxed. It just hasn't seemed to be an appetizing situation for one who has little appetite anyway.
"They have worked out a new seating chart and will have Dad at a table right near the entrance to the dining room. He will sit by a woman whose husband is always there at meals, and who has gotten Dad to talk a number of times. He will encourage Dad to eat, and help out if necessary. The table will also be visible from where the nurses are just outside the door, preparing evening meds for the patients. They can see whether he is eating well or not and get him more help if needed."
In addition to this information that Martha sent, she and I talked last night, and she told me that recently she visited Dad at lunch time. With her help, he "ate every bite of his lunch." She said that the new seating arrangement in the dining room seems to be working out well. The husband who is there with his wife says Dad does great at eating now--likely not every bite, but a good amount at meals.
Martha also mentioned that our brother Alan was in town for his granddaughter's baptism, and he visited with Dad, showing him pictures of the family gathering. Martha thought Dad clearly knew who Alan was and enjoyed the visit. I'm sure I'll have more to report from Alan himself. He's very faithful about keeping us informed of all that's going on with him and his family.
I also have a report from my brother John about the new room at the care facility:
"I went to see Dad last night and the new arrangement is definitely better. He still doesn't have a way to have the radio next to his bed (something he was enjoying at Hobble Creek--at least from time to time), so I think it might be worth trying to figure that out. We'd need something to put it on and a way to get power to it--unless there's a plug on the other side of the bed from where I was.
"[John's daughter and son-in-law] Lisa and Court came while I was there (by pre-arrangement) and we had a good visit. (A couple of folding chairs wouldn't be a bad idea.) It was well after dinner when we got there, but Dad was awake (and my going in awakened one of the others in the room). The third guy in the room was moving around on his bed and setting off his "don't try to get up" alarm--which did not seem restful for Dad; not sure if that's something that would be typical or not. But, we had a good visit and Dad said he was warm enough and was comfortable--although he was putting his hands back under the covers right after getting them out to gesture or shake hands."
Based on what Art City has done to improve Dad's situation, Martha tells me that they've dropped plans to move Dad to another facility.
My sister Lucy's husband, Bob, was chatting with my daughter online recently and sent this report about Dad:
"Papa Daddy was looking pretty good this evening - he ate all his dinner - enjoyed visiting with me - talked with [our brother] Alan on my phone - seems to be getting more sleep in his new room - although he identified the photograph of your Grandmother (Ruth Craig) as his mother to the CNA who was helping him while I was there tonight - he laughed at the photo of him in his office at BYU - after all of that he called me by name and told me to be careful on my way home."
The photo Bob says that Dad laughed at is the picture from Elouise Bell that I put up on the blog last time. Thank you, Elouise! I'm so pleased Bob thought to show it to him--I don't know that I would have.
I recently received this tribute to Dad from a cousin, Bill Craig, who Dad reconnected with in the last ten years:
"We Craigs should be very proud of Marshall's achievements . . . as far as I know he is the only one who has received a Ph.D. Considering his humble beginning, that is a very significant accomplishment. One of my regrets is that I was never around Marshall very much. I do remember that he and Ruth came by our house when he was on leave from the Navy during WW II, and I saw him, just to speak to him, at Laurie's [Dad's brother's] burial out on Champagnolle Road near El Dorado. His military service, his long tenure at BYU and his dedication to his family make him a very special person in my eyes."
Bill ends by mentioning the "good support he has from his family."
Although I know Dad would make some self-deprecating joke about Bill's praise, Bill's right. I forget until I read Bill's tribute just what humble beginnings Dad came from and what wonderful things he's done in his life.
For some reason, I'm feeling pretty emotional about Dad today, missing him and feeling so much love for him.
As always, we appreciate all of you who also love Dad and care about him. Thanks for those who let me know you're reading.
I plan on reporting in again in two weeks, but my daughter is due on March 5, so for the next month or so, I may not be able to report right on schedule depending on when my granddaughter decides to arrive.
Love to all,
Alison
I wasn't able to talk to Dad tonight, but I have a number of reports about him from others that have visited Dad recently--as well as a tribute to Dad by his cousin Bill Craig that he's given me permission to post.
First I'll give you a report from my sister Martha on what they've done at the care facility to improve his situation there:
"[The Art City care facility] moved [Dad] [the day after they spoke about problems with his room] to a different room, where he has much more space, an attached bathroom, and not an around-the-clock TV. The TV in the other room didn't seem to bother him, but it was very hard for his visitors to have a conversation, and the patient watching his huge TV felt invaded when there were several of us there. The man across the room from him now has a small TV, but it is not on all the time, is close to him, and the sound is not loud. There is plenty of space now for several visitors. They tell me that the room is monitored frequently because the others in his room are also fall risks.
"[Martha's daughter]Emily and I were there last Friday at dinner, and the food was so slow coming that he had more interest in going back to bed than in eating. The administrator and the head nurse were both there during the time patients were waiting, and saying they had to find a better solution in their training meeting the next day. It has also seemed bad to me that Dad has been at a table with others who need help eating, but some of them are very vocal about not wanting to eat and have to be coaxed. It just hasn't seemed to be an appetizing situation for one who has little appetite anyway.
"They have worked out a new seating chart and will have Dad at a table right near the entrance to the dining room. He will sit by a woman whose husband is always there at meals, and who has gotten Dad to talk a number of times. He will encourage Dad to eat, and help out if necessary. The table will also be visible from where the nurses are just outside the door, preparing evening meds for the patients. They can see whether he is eating well or not and get him more help if needed."
In addition to this information that Martha sent, she and I talked last night, and she told me that recently she visited Dad at lunch time. With her help, he "ate every bite of his lunch." She said that the new seating arrangement in the dining room seems to be working out well. The husband who is there with his wife says Dad does great at eating now--likely not every bite, but a good amount at meals.
Martha also mentioned that our brother Alan was in town for his granddaughter's baptism, and he visited with Dad, showing him pictures of the family gathering. Martha thought Dad clearly knew who Alan was and enjoyed the visit. I'm sure I'll have more to report from Alan himself. He's very faithful about keeping us informed of all that's going on with him and his family.
I also have a report from my brother John about the new room at the care facility:
"I went to see Dad last night and the new arrangement is definitely better. He still doesn't have a way to have the radio next to his bed (something he was enjoying at Hobble Creek--at least from time to time), so I think it might be worth trying to figure that out. We'd need something to put it on and a way to get power to it--unless there's a plug on the other side of the bed from where I was.
"[John's daughter and son-in-law] Lisa and Court came while I was there (by pre-arrangement) and we had a good visit. (A couple of folding chairs wouldn't be a bad idea.) It was well after dinner when we got there, but Dad was awake (and my going in awakened one of the others in the room). The third guy in the room was moving around on his bed and setting off his "don't try to get up" alarm--which did not seem restful for Dad; not sure if that's something that would be typical or not. But, we had a good visit and Dad said he was warm enough and was comfortable--although he was putting his hands back under the covers right after getting them out to gesture or shake hands."
Based on what Art City has done to improve Dad's situation, Martha tells me that they've dropped plans to move Dad to another facility.
My sister Lucy's husband, Bob, was chatting with my daughter online recently and sent this report about Dad:
"Papa Daddy was looking pretty good this evening - he ate all his dinner - enjoyed visiting with me - talked with [our brother] Alan on my phone - seems to be getting more sleep in his new room - although he identified the photograph of your Grandmother (Ruth Craig) as his mother to the CNA who was helping him while I was there tonight - he laughed at the photo of him in his office at BYU - after all of that he called me by name and told me to be careful on my way home."
The photo Bob says that Dad laughed at is the picture from Elouise Bell that I put up on the blog last time. Thank you, Elouise! I'm so pleased Bob thought to show it to him--I don't know that I would have.
I recently received this tribute to Dad from a cousin, Bill Craig, who Dad reconnected with in the last ten years:
"We Craigs should be very proud of Marshall's achievements . . . as far as I know he is the only one who has received a Ph.D. Considering his humble beginning, that is a very significant accomplishment. One of my regrets is that I was never around Marshall very much. I do remember that he and Ruth came by our house when he was on leave from the Navy during WW II, and I saw him, just to speak to him, at Laurie's [Dad's brother's] burial out on Champagnolle Road near El Dorado. His military service, his long tenure at BYU and his dedication to his family make him a very special person in my eyes."
Bill ends by mentioning the "good support he has from his family."
Although I know Dad would make some self-deprecating joke about Bill's praise, Bill's right. I forget until I read Bill's tribute just what humble beginnings Dad came from and what wonderful things he's done in his life.
For some reason, I'm feeling pretty emotional about Dad today, missing him and feeling so much love for him.
As always, we appreciate all of you who also love Dad and care about him. Thanks for those who let me know you're reading.
I plan on reporting in again in two weeks, but my daughter is due on March 5, so for the next month or so, I may not be able to report right on schedule depending on when my granddaughter decides to arrive.
Love to all,
Alison
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