Update on Dad 2-20-11

Hello, Everyone,

When I logged on to begin my blog tonight, I saw how many posts there are on the site--49, so this is the 50th post on my blog about Dad! (Do we need to have a 50% off sale to mark the event?)

I have information about Dad from my brother Alan who visited in early February, a brief report from my brother-in-law Bob who visited Dad tonight, and I spoke to Dad briefly on the phone tonight also.

Here's what Alan wrote--before he left for Utah:

"I spoke to my Dad on the phone last night. My brother-in-law Bob was there visiting and called me so I could talk to him. I think much of what he says to us is a set of stock phrases, but he does respond to you and seems to enjoy having you tell him things. Several family members have commented that he is losing weight and so every time I get to see him I wonder if it will be the last time. Of course, he has surprised all of us and stayed around for much longer than we expected, so he may well continue to do it. I remember my Mother going to England when I was a senior in college knowing that her mother likely wouldn’t live though the year, but my grandmother was much more aware of things at that point in her life. If Dad lives until we go [Alan and his wife are leaving for a mission to Brazil in late August], he is unlikely to make it until we return, but he also is unlikely to remember that I’m off somewhere."

After Alan returned from his trip to Utah, he wrote about visiting Dad while he was in town:

"I got in three visits to see my Dad, the first one on Tuesday . . . , one on Thursday in conjunction with a trip to Orem to see Janice’s Dad, . . . and one yesterday when I drove down and met my sister Martha at the nursing home. He’s in a new room . . . , and while I didn’t see the prior room and can’t comment on the issues there were with it, this setup seemed quite workable. Dad certainly didn’t seem distressed at all and there was enough space for an easy visit for a couple of people. In some ways it actually seems better than where he was before [at the other care facility]. This room doesn’t have a wall to post pictures, but it has a window right behind Dad and it seems a much brighter room because of it."

My brother-in-law Bob, Lucy's husband, visits Dad on Sunday nights after he finishes working at the Springville Art Museum. He phoned me tonight after he left and said that he and Lucy are much happier with the new room he's in and glad that the care facility was able to find a better solution. Bob also mentioned that it's much brighter in the morning because of the window; it's also quieter; there's room for Dad's easy chair and ottoman and there's another chair for visitors.

I also spoke to Dad tonight. When I told him who I was, he said, "Where are you?"--as if it was strange that I wasn't there with him. I told him I was in Pennsylvania--this is something he came back to later in the conversation, so I was pleased that his memory was working that well.

I told him that when my daughter and son-in-law went out for Valentine's Day, my grandson was pretty sad, so I decided we'd do something Dad did for us when we were little--make pancakes that were in the shape of animals--bunnies, cats, etc. When I asked Dad if he remembered making them, he said, "Oh, yes!"

I said the batter wasn't thick enough, so my animals tended to run and not look like they were supposed to, but Jeffrey was imaginative about deciding what the shapes looked like, and he cheered up. I felt like Dad chuckled because he took his cue from me--I was chuckling.

I then told him that someone in our ward who's studying acting is going to be in a production of The Beaux' Strategem. (This play is by the playwright that Dad did his doctoral dissertation on.) He said, "Oh, my"--one of his stock phrases, so I wasn't sure if he was following what I was saying. I told Dad that I'd mentioned to the actor that my father wrote his dissertation on George Farquhar. I also told Dad I thought maybe I needed to warn ward members that Farquhar's plays could be a bit spicy! He chuckled at that too. I think because he was getting the joke--or at least knowing the place to laugh at the punch line!

(This reminds me of a story Dad used to tell about a friend (I think from high school) who was very bad at telling jokes because she would start laughing at the joke and not be intelligible by the time she got to the punch line. So she would hold up her finger when she got to the punch line, and everyone would laugh. Dad still knows when it's time to laugh!)

During our conversation, Dad told me my voice sounded good--another of his gracious stock phrases.

Then Dad said to me, "You do what you have to do, and . . ." He wasn't able to complete his thought, but then he said, "Now where is it you're going?" I told him I was in central Pennsylvania where Christine and Michael are going to school, and I mentioned again that Christine's baby is due soon and said, "So I really am needed here."

He said something like, "Well, okay then." I cried because I felt like we finally were able to have a conversation about my leaving, and that he gave me his blessing. He hasn't been aware enough to understand that we had to put him in a care facility because it became too much for us to care for him at home, and he hasn't been aware that I moved away. I don't know that he'll remember our conversation, but I will, and I feel such love for him and gratitude that he's willing to sacrifice his own comfort for me to do what's best for me--that's my Dad!

Dad and I ended our conversation as always by expressing our love to each other.

I think I said in my last post that my next one may not be right on time--Christine's baby is due on March 5, and if the baby comes close to her due date, I may not be able to post next time, but I'll try to get something up as soon as I can.

Thanks for reading and for caring about Dad.

Alison