Update on Dad 1/15/12

Hello, Everyone,

My report tonight comes from my sister Martha and from my phone call with Dad tonight.

Martha said she was able to visit Dad three times this past week. She said their first visit was the most distressing visit she and her husband Dave have had with Dad. Dad wasn't in his room - he'd apparently been to dinner and then had been in the day room. When he was brought back to his room, he told the aide he wasn't ready to go back to bed, but he sat in his chair hunched over, with his head on his chest, and said none of the things he usually says like "It's good to see you"or "You're looking good," he just wasn't responsive.

Martha tried to give him one of the treats he has by his bed. She broke off a piece of cookie to give him. Then she tried to give him another and realized he was still chewing the first piece, so she tried to just have him hold the second piece. He couldn't grasp it for a time but finally did, but Martha could see he wasn't going to do anything with it. Martha said he also choked on the water she gave him to sip. Hopefully they can get some thickened liquids to keep by his bed.

When Martha talked to Barbara, the hospice nurse, about how Dad was that day, Barbara asked if Dad had had his oxygen on. He hadn't - which means he was without it through dinner and then for the time he was in the day room, so that may have been the cause of his being so unresponsive. (You can see why we value Barbara so highly- such insight!)

Martha and Dave also visited Dad last night. They reported that he was more responsive yesterday.

Then Martha visited Dad today in the early afternoon while Dave was busy with church assignments. She said today was the best visit in quite a long time. He chuckled some and was responsive to the story she told him. She thinks early afternoon is a better time to visit Dad and hopes to be able to fit in more visits earlier in the day.

When I spoke to Dad on the phone tonight, I felt that though he was engaged in what I was telling him, he struggled more to be able to respond. I told him about my new calling (church assignment), but I'll wait to name it here until next time I write when it will be official. He started to try to say something but then nothing really came out. I said to him, "You can wish me luck!" He said, "I do."

Since I'm not sure he remembers that I have grandchildren, I said to him, "Do you remember that I have a grandson who's three years old? "Oh, my!" I told him Jeffrey's been watching a British children's show on TV (Kipper). Today Jeffrey said to my daughter, "Let's have a go," a British expression he's picked up from the show. Dad laughed without any prompting! I mentioned that Jeffrey also talks about "conkers," also mentioned on the show (though I don't think Jeffrey really knows what they are) and Jeffrey likes to pretend to go camping like Kipper and his friend do on one episode. Dad said, "Well, good."

I told him my granddaughter Evelyn is 10 months old now and doing baby signs. She signs "more," "milk," "food," "all done," and "dog." Dad responded, "Wonderful, wonderful!"

I told Dad it was good to talk to him, and again, he seemed to want to say something but couldn't get the words out, so I said, "I hope it's good to hear from me too." "Yes, it is," he said.

Then Dad said, "Well . . . " and couldn't get more out.

I said, "I hope you have a good evening," and he said, "It's just starting." (Seems like he was getting warmed up as he does.)

When I told him I loved him, he said, "Much love to you and your family," and as I said goodbye, said, "Thank you, thank you!"

Even though I had to supply some of his words for him, it felt like we had a real conversation. As Dad might say, "Lovely, lovely!"

Update on Dad 1-1-12

Happy New Year, Everyone!

I've been to visit Dad twice since my last post and have heard from others about their visits, and it makes me very grateful that I was able to have such a good visit with him when I first arrived.

Several family members have told me that their recent visits to Dad have been very brief, with Dad hardly able to stay awake even though he's glad to see them. One member of our ward (our church congregation) told me today that he's stopped visiting because Dad doesn't recognize him anymore. Another member of the ward told me he still visits Dad monthly, going in the mornings when Dad's not as tired.

I visited Dad Friday night with my brother-in-law Bob Nickelson (who has a better phone than I do). We called my brother Alan who's on a mission in Porto Alegre, Brazil, so he could talk to Dad. Dad was happy to hear from Alan and seemed to clearly know who he was, but he closed his eyes and seemed to doze as Alan, Bob and I talked. However, when I tried to rouse him, saying, "Can you hear Alan on the phone?" Dad said, "Yes," his tone suggesting that of course he could hear him.

At the end of our conversation, Alan told Dad that he loved him, and Dad said, "The feeling is mutual!" When Alan wished Dad a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, Dad said, "A Happy New Year to you too." I think Dad was happy for us to come and then happy for us to go, so he he could sleep.

Today I went to see Dad with my sister Martha and her husband Dave. We met our niece Ruth Hamilton (Christie and Duane Seppi's daughter), her husband, Alan, and their two-year-old daughter, Eliana, coming out of Dad's room. Eliana told us about visiting Pappa-daddy and showing him her doll; she told us several times that "He's a little older."

When we went in to see Dad, Eliana decided to come in again too, so we all went in. She talked to Pappa-daddy in her high voice, and Dad reached out and held her hand often. She was surprised that Pappa-daddy was "shaking her hand." She was pleased to discover Pappa-daddy's "roll-y chair"--his wheelchair--and climbed in, chattering away about her doll in her "carrier." She had a great time even though Dad wasn't very responsive, occasionally clicking his tongue or making other noises, and saying hi every once in a while. Ruth took a number of pictures of Eliana with Pappa-daddy that I'm sure will be precious to them after Dad is gone.

Martha read Dad part of a Christmas letter from friends and showed Dad a picture that came with the letter. I told Dad a story about Jeffrey--one I'd told him before about Jeffrey not wanting to wear the apron I made for him--and showed him a picture on my phone. I'm not sure if he could really see it or not, but he interacted with me briefly then. Most of the time Dad had his eyes closed and seemed on the verge of sleep. I'm hoping that seeing Dad starting to slip away from us will make it easier for me to not grieve so much when he does go.

I'm so grateful that I had such a good talk when I first arrived, and I'm hoping to be ready to wish Dad bon voyage when he's ready to leave this life and go on to the next.

As always, thank you for your love and concern.